That One Point

Hello.

First of all. Wow. Just wow. My last post was in... 2014. Just a few months before I hit the road to another state for a new job.

Memasuki 2018, masih lagi aku di tempat kerja ini. Di negeri ini.

Ahem.

Before I go further, I would like to kindly remind you that this is a post about being depressed, anxious, and a whole lot of other things. Alia beberapa tahun yang lepas, bukanlah lagi Alia yang sekarang. So, if you're not into deep conversation about human's feelings and state of mind, you may skip this very post.

Today, is basically the worst feeling of 'being invisible' and 'unimportant' that I've had in months. Heck, most probably years since I was in this State.

The worst. Lowest of low. That I finally called the Self-Harm Prevention Helpline, after weeks of contemplating that I should finally do 'it'. Because, 'Hey Alia, if people treated you as if you're not there, invisible, might as well you just cease to exist, right?'

That very thought played in my mind, over and over again. That thought that was usually suppressed by working out and turning the Allah Almighty for help, suddenly overflow. Erupted. That hideous monster contained in a bubble all this time, suddenly got out, dancing around my brain, destroying my sanity.

After a kind-of long talk with whoever it is on the line (bless him), I finally calmed down. And here I am, a few hours later, writing this. Whatever this is.




Dear Alia.
Today was February 3rd, 2018.
Call was made at 12.25 PM.
Call duration was 13 minutes and 2 seconds.
Pink marathon t-shirt, blue jeans, cream shawl.
You chose somewhere in the training duration that starts tomorrow, rooftop.

Dear Alia,
Admitting to a total stranger that you're torn takes courage.
You were strong.
This, is nothing to be ashamed of.

Dear Alia, 
You were not okay today.
May you finally found your peace; whenever you are, whatever you may be, when you're reading this.

The Sewing Machine

Finally, I received my sewing machine - in fact, my first!

Mula-mula ingatkan nak beli dari Lazada, harga boleh tahan, dan ingatkan nak guna untuk belajar menjahit aje dulu. Tapi bila dapat tahu ada kawan nak jual, terus je beli dari dia - lagipun tak sampai setahun pakai, barang datang dengan kotak, nampak macam baru.

Benda yang mula-mula aku jahit is actually a coffee cup cozy - because I love coffee, and because I think I should do my part in preserving the environment - everytime I bought some handcrafted coffee that is.

Minggu lepas, hari terakhir Jakel Sale, aku beli kain cotton untuk buat sarung mesin jahit, sebab jujurnya, I am not going to sew everyday, kan? Well, at least lepas habis belajar jahit baju tak lama lagi.

The first thing I did was of course, bukak youtube dan ulang video 2 - 3 kali - just to make sure.

Lepas tu mula draft atas kertas untuk cover mesin jahit sendiri. Ambil ukuran yang lain - sebab dalam video mesin jahit dia besar, aku punya kecik je.

Lepas tu mula potong kain, batting untuk quilt, dengan kain  lining (sebab dah tersalah beli batting... urgh). Dan... mula menjahit.

Jahit zig zag pada tepi kain, sebab malas nak hantar kain untuk jahit tepi

Ukur 1" dari bawah, lipat dan pin untuk hem

Dan jahit lagi

Voila!

I think this looks... OK. Sekurang-kurangnya mesin jahit ni tak berhabuk bila terpaksa tinggal lama-lama.

2014

Hello.

I mean, hello 2014.

Darn, I should have wrote something about the beginning of 2014 like... 5 days ago. But I really got so many things stuffed in my head; all the anger, frustration, a little bit of so-called happiness, and the feeling of 'emptiness' has all combined.

Mind you, that is NOT healthy.

Dalam pada semua orang sibuk post new year resolution kat facebook and other social media medium pada permulaan 2014, aku masih lagi berperang dengan perasaan sendiri. 'Should I love myself more?' or 'Should I put others first?'.

After bloody 5 days, I have decided... that I should do (almost) anything that I wanted to do. Live a good life. Become a better Muslim along the way. It sounds like a good plan, or resolution.

Let's face it. I am not growing backwards. Yeah, I DO have fun telling people every year, that I am 21 (Guilty menipu umur, as charged). Tapi ya lah, sampai bila aku nak tipu diri sendiri, kan? And the question of whether I should put myself or others first, I'll let time decide.






That's it.

Women's Equality Day!

Reblogged from Upworthy

Seriously, after reading this, do the Beyonce dance.



7 Ways to Tell If You Are A Bad-Ass Woman


1. When you don't self-deprecate, put yourself down, or play down your achievements


Quit putting yourself down, because it's only hurting ourselves


2. When you stand your ground like a total boss.




3. When you go out and protest and you have this look on your face


This little girl and her awesome dad are protesting sexual violence in India


4. When you are not afraid of your sexuality


"Parks and Recreation" fans, appreciate.


5. When you give real talk and not be afraid of holding back from speaking your mind


Thanks, Lucy Liu.


6. When you appreciate the power of pizza. Because... let's be real here.


Daria


7. When you got shot in the head and you still fight for your rights.


Malala Yousafzai.  Click here



So basically, if you can relate to any of these things, go ahead and do your Beyonce Dance.

Ikan Cencaru Belah Belakang

Assalamu'alaikum.

Ahem. I'm not really sure if this is still relevant to be said, but... "Salam Eid Mubarak!" aku ucapkan kepada sesiapa saja hamba Allah yang singgah ke blog ini. 

Hari ni, dalam 5-10 minit aku belek2 blog, aku terperasan... "Banyaknya post masak-memasak ni! Aku kekurangan idea ke apa?". Tapi bila fikir balik... tak apalah kot. Post-post 'Cooking Warfare' tu macam kongsi ilmu - ilmu memasak. Hehehe~~

Oh, namanya 'Cooking Warfare' sebab hampir setiap kali memasak, inilah reaksi aku:

Sumber

Anyway. Sejak Isnin lagi me and my parents mula berpuasa sunat Syawal - aka 'Puasa Enam'. Bagus sebenarnya puasa lepas raya ni, tau? Dapat merehatkan perut yang dah makan hampir tak berhenti-henti sejak 1 Syawal tu.

Untuk berbuka semalam, kami bercadang untuk makan nasi. Dan aku ditugaskan oleh Ummi untuk masak lauk best ni - Ikan Cencaru Belah Belakang.

3 ekor ikan cencaru

Serbuk kunyit

Garam

1 1/2 biji bawang bawang besar

5 biji bawang merah

3 biji bawang putih

2 atau 3 biji cili merah

5 biji cili padi

1 biji tomato

4 camca sos tomato

1 sudu teh belacan

Garam

Gula

Sedikit air

1. Belah belakang ikan - jangan sampai tembus ke bahagian perut.

2. Bersihkan ikan. Lumur dengan garam dan kunyit.

3. Masukkan semua bawang, cili merah, cili padi, sos tomato, belacan, garam, gula dan air dalam blender. Blend agak-agak separa hancur.

4. Potong tomato kasar-kasar. Masukkan dalam blender. Blend lebih kurang 3 - 5 saat.

5. Panaskan minyak.

6. Sumbat sambal (campuran bawang, belacan dengan tomato) yang blended tadi kat belakang ikan. Ketepikan baki baki sambal.

7. Goreng ikan. Bila dah agak garing, keluarkan dari minyak dan toskan.

8. Buang minyak goreng ikan tadi sampai tinggal agak-agak 3 sudu makan.

9. Goreng sambal tadi sampai pecah minyak.

10. Tuang sambal atas ikan.

*telan air liur*

Selamat 'berperang' di dapur.